Subtle Verbal Aggressions In The Partner

Intimate partner violence can happen in very subtle ways. Among them are verbal aggressions, words to which we can not give the importance that they really have.

Using covert language, diminutives or mentioning certain characteristics of other people that the couple does not have can be just some examples.

Today we will discover some of them in order to learn to identify them and stop taking them as something “normal” or “is that my partner is like that”. Verbal attacks cannot be allowed.

Clear verbal assaults on the partner

There are some types of verbal aggression within the couple that we may not want to see or we take as something that has always been the case, therefore we do not see it strange.

Some of these verbal aggressions are:

• Taunts that seek to disqualify, sometimes diminutives are used to disguise “how you can tell that you are from a small town . “
• Calls for attention to attributes that other people have “wow, what a good body, those are the ones I like.
• Deliberately lying about anything even silly  “I didn’t leave the keys there.”

These are some of the verbal attacks that are said without regard and to which we are not prepared to react.

In fact, it is very possible that we admit this type of reaction in our relationship because, perhaps, we have also seen it that way in the one we have had as a model: that of our parents.

However, to realize these verbal aggressions we have to attend to our emotions. We feel good? Do we notice that our self-esteem is trampled?

Emotional blackmail

Emotional blackmail is a type of verbal aggression that aims to manipulate the other person. The end? Get something, or simply get some kind of satisfaction from feeling in control of your partner.

Through very subtle words, you try to make the other person feel guilty. A guilt that is intended to induce remorse so that the partner feels bad.

As we can perceive, if there is emotional blackmail in a relationship, in it there is no love, there is manipulation, desire for control and to use the other person.

Within emotional blackmail there is a technique currently known as “gaslighting” in which the other person is induced to doubt their mental capacities.

Through phrases such as “I didn’t say that” or “you’re crazy, in my life I would do that” , the person who is manipulating tries to confuse and make his partner doubt what happened.

Its objective? Disorient her in order to have more control over her. In fact, on occasions, if the couple is upset because they are clear about what happened and thus manifest it, the person who is manipulating may withdraw the word from them.

The prolonged silence that comes with completely ignoring the partner is a form of aggression. What is intended is for the other person to come crawling or to take the first step towards a possible reconciliation. All this section we could summarize it in a single word: humiliation.

Put a stop to verbal aggression

Although this type of verbal aggression has been the dynamic between the relationship that our parents maintained, despite the fact that we believe that it is not so bad, we must stop them.

As we have mentioned before, the decision to get out of such a situation lies in paying attention to our feelings.

If when our partner makes fun of us we do not feel good, if when he ignores us we feel guilty or if when he makes us doubt our mental capacities he brings us down, we have to get out of there.

There are no “buts” that are worth it, no excuses, not even learned phrases like “I just love him so much . ” A person who uses verbal aggression within a relationship is not healthy.

As much as he tells us that he loves us, as much as he claims that he knew he was wrong, what he wants is a new opportunity to continue with the behavioral dynamics that he has carried out so far in the relationship.